Halloween Photo Shoot

So it's Halloween and nothin's goin' on around here. No party, no celebrating, no bones. No little kid is gonna walk down our long scary driveway for a bag of M&Ms, especially with me on border patrol! So M and C got this stupid idea -- let's take pictures of Sparky in costumes for his blog! Cripes! Number one -- costumes are for little wimpy dogs; I call 'em yappers! Number two -- they didn't even get me a real costume, ya know, somethin' cool like Superman or Darth Vader. Just used bits and pieces of old costumes, adding insult to injury. But hey -- I'll work for treats. So wanna see how that all went down?

A skeleton is a decent costume. It's scary and black and white, just like me. This is not a costume -- it's just a freakin' mask!

I like to wear a mask the same way I wear a hat -- between my teeth!

Actually I was informed that this hat is a true piece of Texas folk art, made by Billy Ray Gipson of Conroe. Whatever. Don't worry -- the damage was minimal.

Anyone know where I left my purple pumps?

Beldar Conesnout -- I don't think so!

Oh yeah -- a ghost. Now there's an original idea! Let's go all out -- spare no expense!

I like to wear it this way, ballgown style. Don't get me wrong -- I don't cross dress. In fact I usually don't dress at all.

Anyone ready for some salsa? Flamenco? Merengue?

Hey -- don't laugh! I'm a darn good dancer, and I gotta flair for that Latin style!

What am I -- Little White Riding Hood??

I'd rather be the Big Bad Wolf!

Now this hat is cool -- who knows who I'm impersonating here?

You gotta be kidding!!! Angel wings? Now this is the ultimate humiliation!

Treats or no treats, it's time I took control here!

Yeah!!! Here's how I like to wear angel wings! Let's play "try and get the angel wings away from Sparky!"

Again, minimal damage. Jamie can still wear these some Halloween when she's feeling angelic. Or not. Whatever.

And another thing. Can you believe how last minute this blog is? A Halloween blog on Halloween? So much for the big build-up! But Happy Halloween everyone, woof woof!

A Trip to the Vet

Ya know, I dunno how my flyball career is ever gonna take off. I keep missing practices, even though I'm totally a serious athlete! First I had that bout with ringworm, which by the way, wasn't really ringworm cause the culture came back negative. So, who knows what that was. Next C got sick and made me miss practice, and then she went to New York and made me miss again. So I was really pumped to go to flyball this past Saturday but when I got there someone noticed I was limping (thanks Mack!) so I didn't get to practice. Yeah, what a blast! Tethered to a tree watchin' other dogs practice!

I was limping because I've got an abrasion between two toes on my back left foot. Monday it was worse. It hurt, but no big deal -- I'm the fastest dog on three legs! But C made an appointment at the vet and so Tuesday we went to the Animal Hospital of Conroe.

Some of you know I lived there from the time I was one day old until I was six weeks when I went to live with M and C. So, I don't mind going to the vet -- it's old home week for me! Actually, I don't mind going anywhere! I'm always up for a ride in the car! My favorite destinations are Bed, Bath, and Biscuit where I go play with friends, and Petco, where we go get treats and toys. But the vet office is pretty interesting.

For one thing, they usually have cats in the waiting room. Some are in cages and some are just wandering around, and all are unfriendly. That's OK -- I'm totally used to cats with bad attitudes! Sometimes there are other dogs in the waiting room, and usually some humans who think I'm smart and good-looking! I love, love attention!

I usually see Dr. Pat, but she doesn't work on Tuesdays, so this time I saw Dr. Flood. I missed Dr. Pat, but it's all good -- Dr. Flood's a nice guy! Here I am waiting in the examination room for him to come in and take a look at my foot.

But first these ladies came in. At first I thought they were nice, callin' me "Mr. Sparky" and giving me plenty of treats and attention. Next thing I know, one of 'em's got me in a headlock and the other one's shaving the hair between my very sore toes! And C's standing there snappin' photos like it's a walk in the park!

This was no picnic, lemme tell ya! But, I'm no crybaby! They said I was a very good dog. And I don't hold it against 'em -- just doin' their jobs!

After they finished torturing me, then Dr. Flood came in and poked and prodded my poor toe. He said the abrasion is infected, and he gave me a shot. He also told C to give me antibiotics, painkillers, and sprinkle this powder on my toe twice a day after soaking it in water with Epsom Salts. C asked how long I had to soak it and he said ten minutes each time. Ten minutes -- do you know how long that is in dog minutes?? Really long.

Heh, heh, heh. That soaking isn't workin' out for C either. Today when she was sitting on the floor holding my foot in the pot of water I accidentally (I swear!) spilled the pot into her lap. We were almost done anyway. And by the way, my foot feels a lot better!

Before we left the vet office I had to say hi to a couple of my girls. They've known me since I was one day old and they think I've turned out to be quite the handsome dude! These two are Theresa and Candy, but I love all the women who work at Dr. Pat's! They're smart and caring and very generous with the treats!

After C paid the vet bill she said I have to get a job. Anyone wanna hire me? I'm really smart, fast, and friendly! Special talents include gathering sticks into piles; carrying the garbage can lid back from the road; and keeping the squirrels in the trees and off the ground. Gimme a call -- let's talk! Woof woof!

I hate snakes!

It's my job to patrol our property and make sure no invaders get in. An invader is anything inside the fence that is alive, OR any non-alive object that someone placed or moved without telling me, like a broom on the porch, or a wheelbarrow full of stuff, or a package by the front door. All of the above require a lotta barking by me!


So the other day I spotted a major invader -- a snake! I HATE snakes! I got tagged on my face by a copperhead when I was a pup. Man, it burned like fire! My head swelled up like a balloon and I had to go see Dr. Pat and take medicine. Ever since then, I don't care what kind they are, I just don't like 'em! C thinks there are good snakes and bad snakes, but I don't buy it! Anything that slithers on its belly is up to no good! (Back me up on this, Pokie!)



So this guy was crawling around in the flower bed like he had a right to be there! I think it's the same one I found a coupla months ago coiled up on the bottom step outside the kitchen door. C wouldn't let me pop him then either -- wonder how loud she'd scream if she came running down the stairs and stepped on him barefoot? So I was doin' my job, barking and trying to snuff the reptile, when C came running down those stairs yelling "No, Sparky, no!" Geez Louise! Let me do my job, pul-leeze!


Whenever we have a snake sighting around here, C has to go get her Texas Snakes book to identify the kind of snake (who cares?) and read up on their habits. This invader is an Eastern Hognose Snake (Hetrodon platirhinos) and he (or she) eats toads and frogs. I tried a toad once -- I don't recommend it! A toad has toxic skin secretions, and tastes terrible! Doesn't bother old Mr. Hognose though!


The book says that Hoggy is harmless, and won't even bite you if touch it -- unless you've been toad-handling! He hunts by smell, and if you smell like a toad, whammo! This snake is quite the drama queen or king -- if you corner one, like I always do, it will swell up its neck and look like a cobra, plus hiss and act crazy! According to Texas Snakes (p. 182), it will "writhe convulsively, regurgitate, defecate, discharge musk from its cloaca, and turn belly up, its tongue hanging loosely from its slackened jaw" -- all this to look less attractive to predators. Bwahahahaha! I got news for you, dude! You are already VERY unattractive!

Like I said, I hate all snakes, and awhile back when I spotted this other one (Gulf Coast Ribbon Snake -- Thamnophis proximus orarius) I barked like crazy! But, if a snake can be attractive, this one might qualify -- it's thin, and smooth, and green, my favorite color -- other than black and white.

Hoggy, on the other hand, is one ugly snake! Fat, and bumpy, and an ugly color. And lookit him tryin' to be all bad showing me some tongue!

Hoggy, I''ll show you some tongue, and a big hog nose! This is the greatly feared Black and White Gulf Coast Hognose Border Collie -- all you limbless scaly elongate reptiles better get out and stay out!

But, if you're not one of those, come see me anytime! Woof woof! XXX Sparky

Rainy Day Browsing

So today it was raining, and I spent some time indoors. No one can play tug-a-war or fetch as long as I can, so it can get a little boring. To pass the time I did a little browsing on Etsy. Yeah, yeah I know about Etsy -- can't you see that "advertising" that C insisted on putting on MY blog? Anyway, there is actually a lotta cool stuff for dogs on there, so let me show ya some of my "fabulous finds"!

Now if I had a cool raincoat like this, I coulda stayed out all day! Some people think dog clothes are for sissy dogs, but this dude (or beyatch) looks pretty rad! Plus red is one of my best colors! The coat's from Acme Couture -- they sell custom dog apparel -- "what cool hounds wear." And I'm definitely cool!

Speaking of cool, this is a tug made out of recyled tee shirts! Being green is amost as hip as being black and white! The artisan at Tee Tugs says that the knots are hand-tied and there to stay...we'll see about that! Also she says it is machine washable...reminds me why do people always want to wash my stuff just when it starts to get how I like it?

Wow, I'll admit I'm not much of a reader, but doesn't this book look great? What a noble looking cover guy -- no doubt one of my ancestors. You can check it out over at Moxy Fox Books, and tell 'em Bob's great-great-great-great-great-grandson sent ya!

You won't believe the name of this product! It''s called "Sparky's Special Paw Print Market Day Dog Treat Basket!" Yeah, that's a mouthful -- actually looks like lotsa mouthfuls! It's like the nice guys over at Freddys Fritters Dog Bakery knew I'd be shopping! Could there possibly be anyone nicer than someone who owns a dog bakery? I think NOT!

Now here's a dog livin' the good life! Don't get me wrong -- I have a very nice bed. But I never knew about the elevated kind -- looks classy! Plus this one is orthopedic! Not that I need orthopedic -- I'm a youngster! But after a big day of sheep herding, er ah, pretend sheep herding, even a youngster can appreciate the benefits of a good mattress! Diane's K9 Creations caters to you pampered pets out there!

Here's your choice of stuffed fleece dog bones -- personally I'd go for "Bad to the Bone"! Hot Stitches does machine embroidery on all sorts of items including other dog toys, but these are my faves. (Although, someone could buy me a custom bone with my name on it!) Squeakers inside too for maximum fun!

I'm not too into costumes, and there are some absolutely ridiculous ones on Etsy! Why would I want to look like a giraffe, or Yoda, or a piece of sushi?? Little dogs seem to mostly go for that humiliation. However, this hat here from xmoonbloom is classy! It's supposed to be a bear, but on this color dog it kind of looks like a lioness. I'm thinkin' disguise more than costume, and a chance to go undercover! Ya know, do a little sleuthing around -- I'm diggin' it!

After I saw that orthopedic bed, I decided I'm all about elevation! So looky here at this Asian-inspired elevated feeder by BaroWoodworks! It's a little pricey, but handmade for you in your choice of finishes -- I like the black! Clean lines, and those circles in the natural wood are a way cool detail! No one ever tells me anything but I found out on Etsy that elevated feeders are a hot item. If you're a fancy dog, make someone buy you this!

Maybe ya know I live with two artists, so I can appreciate a good painting, and this is it! Actually it's a giclee print, made from an original watercolor, and it's signed by the artist DJ Rogers! This has everything I love in a work of art -- great subject (border collie), great colors (black and white with green), action, and a winning expression! The shop k9artgallery has over 800 prints for sale, so you could find a picture of any kind of dog you want -- even if it's not a border collie.

I hope ya didn't mind my rainy day shopping, but ya know, I'm performing a public service here! It's not too soon to start thinking about Christmas for your faithful companion! Gifts in every price range, right, M and C?

WOOF WOOF!

Sparky Exposed

I've been kinda depressed...

There's something I need to tell you.

But I'm kinda ashamed.

I just need to come right out and tell you...

...I HAVE RINGWORM!

Before you get all grossed out, it's not THAT big a deal. For one thing, ringworm is NOT a worm -- no worms on me, dude! It's a fungus, ya know, like, "there's a fungus among us?" It's among us all right, right on my head. So, I went to see Dr. Pat and she did a culture. We haven't gotten the results yet but I guess everyone thinks it's ringworm anyway. So twice a day I have to allow an application of some ointment, along with lots of pitying looks at my third eye.

C asked Dr. Pat "What about the cats?" and Dr. Pat said they could get it and then asked "do they rub up against him?" I thought it was kinda rude of C to laugh so hard at that, and then say "no, they hate him!" Wow...they HATE me? What's that about? I don't wanna say that it'd serve 'em right if they did get ringworm, but...

well ya know...just sayin'.


One of the worst things about ringworm is that I'm getting 75% less petting since the vet trip, and the amount of hand-washing that is going on around here is ridiculous!


The very worst thing about ringworm is that I'm supposed to start flyball practice on the 11th, and if I'm still ringwormy, I can't go!
That bites! I could use some virtual love right about now!


Woof woof!