I hate snakes!

It's my job to patrol our property and make sure no invaders get in. An invader is anything inside the fence that is alive, OR any non-alive object that someone placed or moved without telling me, like a broom on the porch, or a wheelbarrow full of stuff, or a package by the front door. All of the above require a lotta barking by me!


So the other day I spotted a major invader -- a snake! I HATE snakes! I got tagged on my face by a copperhead when I was a pup. Man, it burned like fire! My head swelled up like a balloon and I had to go see Dr. Pat and take medicine. Ever since then, I don't care what kind they are, I just don't like 'em! C thinks there are good snakes and bad snakes, but I don't buy it! Anything that slithers on its belly is up to no good! (Back me up on this, Pokie!)



So this guy was crawling around in the flower bed like he had a right to be there! I think it's the same one I found a coupla months ago coiled up on the bottom step outside the kitchen door. C wouldn't let me pop him then either -- wonder how loud she'd scream if she came running down the stairs and stepped on him barefoot? So I was doin' my job, barking and trying to snuff the reptile, when C came running down those stairs yelling "No, Sparky, no!" Geez Louise! Let me do my job, pul-leeze!


Whenever we have a snake sighting around here, C has to go get her Texas Snakes book to identify the kind of snake (who cares?) and read up on their habits. This invader is an Eastern Hognose Snake (Hetrodon platirhinos) and he (or she) eats toads and frogs. I tried a toad once -- I don't recommend it! A toad has toxic skin secretions, and tastes terrible! Doesn't bother old Mr. Hognose though!


The book says that Hoggy is harmless, and won't even bite you if touch it -- unless you've been toad-handling! He hunts by smell, and if you smell like a toad, whammo! This snake is quite the drama queen or king -- if you corner one, like I always do, it will swell up its neck and look like a cobra, plus hiss and act crazy! According to Texas Snakes (p. 182), it will "writhe convulsively, regurgitate, defecate, discharge musk from its cloaca, and turn belly up, its tongue hanging loosely from its slackened jaw" -- all this to look less attractive to predators. Bwahahahaha! I got news for you, dude! You are already VERY unattractive!

Like I said, I hate all snakes, and awhile back when I spotted this other one (Gulf Coast Ribbon Snake -- Thamnophis proximus orarius) I barked like crazy! But, if a snake can be attractive, this one might qualify -- it's thin, and smooth, and green, my favorite color -- other than black and white.

Hoggy, on the other hand, is one ugly snake! Fat, and bumpy, and an ugly color. And lookit him tryin' to be all bad showing me some tongue!

Hoggy, I''ll show you some tongue, and a big hog nose! This is the greatly feared Black and White Gulf Coast Hognose Border Collie -- all you limbless scaly elongate reptiles better get out and stay out!

But, if you're not one of those, come see me anytime! Woof woof! XXX Sparky

Rainy Day Browsing

So today it was raining, and I spent some time indoors. No one can play tug-a-war or fetch as long as I can, so it can get a little boring. To pass the time I did a little browsing on Etsy. Yeah, yeah I know about Etsy -- can't you see that "advertising" that C insisted on putting on MY blog? Anyway, there is actually a lotta cool stuff for dogs on there, so let me show ya some of my "fabulous finds"!

Now if I had a cool raincoat like this, I coulda stayed out all day! Some people think dog clothes are for sissy dogs, but this dude (or beyatch) looks pretty rad! Plus red is one of my best colors! The coat's from Acme Couture -- they sell custom dog apparel -- "what cool hounds wear." And I'm definitely cool!

Speaking of cool, this is a tug made out of recyled tee shirts! Being green is amost as hip as being black and white! The artisan at Tee Tugs says that the knots are hand-tied and there to stay...we'll see about that! Also she says it is machine washable...reminds me why do people always want to wash my stuff just when it starts to get how I like it?

Wow, I'll admit I'm not much of a reader, but doesn't this book look great? What a noble looking cover guy -- no doubt one of my ancestors. You can check it out over at Moxy Fox Books, and tell 'em Bob's great-great-great-great-great-grandson sent ya!

You won't believe the name of this product! It''s called "Sparky's Special Paw Print Market Day Dog Treat Basket!" Yeah, that's a mouthful -- actually looks like lotsa mouthfuls! It's like the nice guys over at Freddys Fritters Dog Bakery knew I'd be shopping! Could there possibly be anyone nicer than someone who owns a dog bakery? I think NOT!

Now here's a dog livin' the good life! Don't get me wrong -- I have a very nice bed. But I never knew about the elevated kind -- looks classy! Plus this one is orthopedic! Not that I need orthopedic -- I'm a youngster! But after a big day of sheep herding, er ah, pretend sheep herding, even a youngster can appreciate the benefits of a good mattress! Diane's K9 Creations caters to you pampered pets out there!

Here's your choice of stuffed fleece dog bones -- personally I'd go for "Bad to the Bone"! Hot Stitches does machine embroidery on all sorts of items including other dog toys, but these are my faves. (Although, someone could buy me a custom bone with my name on it!) Squeakers inside too for maximum fun!

I'm not too into costumes, and there are some absolutely ridiculous ones on Etsy! Why would I want to look like a giraffe, or Yoda, or a piece of sushi?? Little dogs seem to mostly go for that humiliation. However, this hat here from xmoonbloom is classy! It's supposed to be a bear, but on this color dog it kind of looks like a lioness. I'm thinkin' disguise more than costume, and a chance to go undercover! Ya know, do a little sleuthing around -- I'm diggin' it!

After I saw that orthopedic bed, I decided I'm all about elevation! So looky here at this Asian-inspired elevated feeder by BaroWoodworks! It's a little pricey, but handmade for you in your choice of finishes -- I like the black! Clean lines, and those circles in the natural wood are a way cool detail! No one ever tells me anything but I found out on Etsy that elevated feeders are a hot item. If you're a fancy dog, make someone buy you this!

Maybe ya know I live with two artists, so I can appreciate a good painting, and this is it! Actually it's a giclee print, made from an original watercolor, and it's signed by the artist DJ Rogers! This has everything I love in a work of art -- great subject (border collie), great colors (black and white with green), action, and a winning expression! The shop k9artgallery has over 800 prints for sale, so you could find a picture of any kind of dog you want -- even if it's not a border collie.

I hope ya didn't mind my rainy day shopping, but ya know, I'm performing a public service here! It's not too soon to start thinking about Christmas for your faithful companion! Gifts in every price range, right, M and C?

WOOF WOOF!

Sparky Exposed

I've been kinda depressed...

There's something I need to tell you.

But I'm kinda ashamed.

I just need to come right out and tell you...

...I HAVE RINGWORM!

Before you get all grossed out, it's not THAT big a deal. For one thing, ringworm is NOT a worm -- no worms on me, dude! It's a fungus, ya know, like, "there's a fungus among us?" It's among us all right, right on my head. So, I went to see Dr. Pat and she did a culture. We haven't gotten the results yet but I guess everyone thinks it's ringworm anyway. So twice a day I have to allow an application of some ointment, along with lots of pitying looks at my third eye.

C asked Dr. Pat "What about the cats?" and Dr. Pat said they could get it and then asked "do they rub up against him?" I thought it was kinda rude of C to laugh so hard at that, and then say "no, they hate him!" Wow...they HATE me? What's that about? I don't wanna say that it'd serve 'em right if they did get ringworm, but...

well ya know...just sayin'.


One of the worst things about ringworm is that I'm getting 75% less petting since the vet trip, and the amount of hand-washing that is going on around here is ridiculous!


The very worst thing about ringworm is that I'm supposed to start flyball practice on the 11th, and if I'm still ringwormy, I can't go!
That bites! I could use some virtual love right about now!


Woof woof!