I hate snakes!

It's my job to patrol our property and make sure no invaders get in. An invader is anything inside the fence that is alive, OR any non-alive object that someone placed or moved without telling me, like a broom on the porch, or a wheelbarrow full of stuff, or a package by the front door. All of the above require a lotta barking by me!


So the other day I spotted a major invader -- a snake! I HATE snakes! I got tagged on my face by a copperhead when I was a pup. Man, it burned like fire! My head swelled up like a balloon and I had to go see Dr. Pat and take medicine. Ever since then, I don't care what kind they are, I just don't like 'em! C thinks there are good snakes and bad snakes, but I don't buy it! Anything that slithers on its belly is up to no good! (Back me up on this, Pokie!)



So this guy was crawling around in the flower bed like he had a right to be there! I think it's the same one I found a coupla months ago coiled up on the bottom step outside the kitchen door. C wouldn't let me pop him then either -- wonder how loud she'd scream if she came running down the stairs and stepped on him barefoot? So I was doin' my job, barking and trying to snuff the reptile, when C came running down those stairs yelling "No, Sparky, no!" Geez Louise! Let me do my job, pul-leeze!


Whenever we have a snake sighting around here, C has to go get her Texas Snakes book to identify the kind of snake (who cares?) and read up on their habits. This invader is an Eastern Hognose Snake (Hetrodon platirhinos) and he (or she) eats toads and frogs. I tried a toad once -- I don't recommend it! A toad has toxic skin secretions, and tastes terrible! Doesn't bother old Mr. Hognose though!


The book says that Hoggy is harmless, and won't even bite you if touch it -- unless you've been toad-handling! He hunts by smell, and if you smell like a toad, whammo! This snake is quite the drama queen or king -- if you corner one, like I always do, it will swell up its neck and look like a cobra, plus hiss and act crazy! According to Texas Snakes (p. 182), it will "writhe convulsively, regurgitate, defecate, discharge musk from its cloaca, and turn belly up, its tongue hanging loosely from its slackened jaw" -- all this to look less attractive to predators. Bwahahahaha! I got news for you, dude! You are already VERY unattractive!

Like I said, I hate all snakes, and awhile back when I spotted this other one (Gulf Coast Ribbon Snake -- Thamnophis proximus orarius) I barked like crazy! But, if a snake can be attractive, this one might qualify -- it's thin, and smooth, and green, my favorite color -- other than black and white.

Hoggy, on the other hand, is one ugly snake! Fat, and bumpy, and an ugly color. And lookit him tryin' to be all bad showing me some tongue!

Hoggy, I''ll show you some tongue, and a big hog nose! This is the greatly feared Black and White Gulf Coast Hognose Border Collie -- all you limbless scaly elongate reptiles better get out and stay out!

But, if you're not one of those, come see me anytime! Woof woof! XXX Sparky